Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; the Respect He Desperately Needs

Please avoid this book for the sake of your marriage.

SUMMARY OF ISSUES

*Thesis isn’t supported. The book is based on a survey by Shaunti Feldhahn that found that 74% of men would choose respect over love. However, she failed to ask women the same question before drawing comparisons. When other researchers did ask women, a virtually identical number also chose respect.

*Defines respect in a way that strips a wife of any agency, sexual or otherwise. Respect involves giving husbands sex, enforcing his authority and hierarchy over her, and listening to his insight rather than hers. Thus, she must provide sex on demand and acquiesce to his desires and plans, even if she feels God is saying something different (she can’t trust herself since women can be deceived, p. 230).

*Creates lopsided marriage where the husband can label anything he doesn’t like as disrespectful, and the wife must defer or she isn’t showing respect (she is disrespectful for asking him to pick up wet towels off the bed, p. 242-243).

*Does not allow any healthy way for a wife to address issues in the marriage. In the only example given where a wife is told how to speak up, a woman married to a workaholic husband may say 2-3 sentences every 10-20 days, but other than that must stay silent (p. 316). Rather than a marriage functioning as iron sharpening iron, the husband gets to do what he wants, even leaving candy wrappers on the floor (p. 243), and the wife must accept it.

*Misuses Scripture to support his…

This book is a must-read for married couples, as it will enhance our understanding of the differences between man and woman, their needs and the way they communicate. It is both biblical and practical, there are lots of testimonies in the book of how a lot of marriages have been helped, and it certainly helped me understand my spouse's needs better.

I bought this book and left it on the shelf for far too long, all the while I didn't realise how much I really needed to read this book. If you're in a relationship or marriage you need to read this book! Both you and your partner need to. It will help put a stop to the vicious cycle of disrespect and unloving behaviour and if your relationship is on the roads it will likely save it. I could not recommend this book enough!